WildChild

My dad says that I look stoic, but I bottle up emotions. I do not let my emotions show. This was all when I was in my teens. I still carry that tag. I bury my emotions deep in my psyche. After all these years, I realise: I do not bottle up my emotions. I am just unemotional I guess.

I think I somewhere down the lane lost emotions, or being emotional. I do not anymore know if I am emotional. I have been observing myself a lot. I realise that I do not think too much about anything. I read a lot of books and stories. It is the story that impresses me. Not the emotional content of the story. I do not even perceive if a character is being emotional or not. The melodrama is just words or pictures for me.

Does being unemotional mean I am insensitive. I do not think so. I find myself sensitive to almost everything. I cannot bear to watch my loved ones cry or be sad. I had do anything to cheer them up. I am sensitive in that way. But is being sensitive emotional. I do not know.  

Yes darling! I do agree that I am unemotional.   

Futility of living a monotonous life. The pointlessness of wasting away one’s life in a routine time-framed, salaried job. Restricting ourselves and not backing oneself enough to achieve a lot more. Convincing oneself that they are incapable of doing everything one ever wanted.

 My life needs a makeover. Major over-hauling is needed in the way I perceive my life, my future, my thoughts, and everything ‘Me’. 

I make a deliberate attempts these days to bring a change. But, I fail succumbing to my habitual procrastination.

I want to break free.

Not that, I have my life going wrong at the moment. On the contrary, life is at a stalemate. Good. I can be content if I manage to. But, I am not content. I am restless to do something. I do not know what the something is. But, I have to do something.

 I want to break free from the unknown into the unkwown. Ironical, huh?